After I wrote my last blog on here I got my first tattoo, started losing weight and working out, and I found out I was pregnant.I got to be pregnant for a month and a half before finding out my baby had died, and I had surgery October 11th to remove the baby. I don't know if I have ever felt so much pain in my whole life.My heart still aches and I still cry about my baby. There is a lot about Zane that I want to write, about how great he is ,how strong, how loving ,how supportive.I could go on and on. We talk almost everyday about our loss and what God is going to do. We talk about the reason why it all happened and how one day we will know.Oh how I long for that day so bad. I want to know why .... Lately has been extremely tough for me.It seems everyone I know or see out in public is pregnant.I feel left out.Im not trying to get sympathy or anything its just something Im dealing with. I know God is good and I know we will have children one day.So, enough of the sad stuff .Lets move on!
We bought a new house! Yipee, sound the sirens. We are excited cant you tell. I love to decorate so every new house is a new opportunity for me ha! This is the 6th time,let me say that again so you understand, the 6th time we have moved as a couple! This time feels so settling and that feels good to me. We want to have kids here..well the first 2 at least! We have moved that many times so you know we wont be here forever=)
I still work at the same place...See all those dots after that statement? Thats me wandering when my big break will come and I will be able to do what my little heart desires.We shall see. I have to say that I am very thankful that I even have a job,but its not my hearts desire. Now dont go asking me what my hearts desire is b/c I dont know haha.One day I will figure all that out.
Well Im sure I have worn you out with all of this but this really helps me express myself.I am promising...well hoping this is the first of many blogs to come.
Until then~ash
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