Things are Changing

Sometimes the time gets away from me. Well, that and the fact I cant remember anything anymore. Oh well its all worth it! I love being pregnant and I'm so thankful I get this chance to be a mom. I'm scared, I'm nervous, I'm fearful, I'm excited, I'm ready...I think. God broke my heart on Sunday. I have been fighting these feelings of fear for a while and on Sunday God said please give those to me . I want them. I want to take care of them. I don't want you to deal with them anymore. I have been emotional ever since. It just seems like everything in my life is changing and its all so exciting but this fear is holding me back. SO if you would pray with me about this fear I'm facing so it will go away so I can truly enjoy every moment of this pregnancy.

Theres a lot going in with the church now. Its in full swing and full of excitement. Its such a blessing to watch Zane preach on Sunday. I always feel so proud and I know that God speaks to him through the week so he knows what to tell us on Sunday. I feel encouraged by my own husband as a pastor. I don't know if I ever knew that we would be going down this road of pastoring at such a young age. I don't pastor of course but you get the point. HaHa. I always knew their would be a lot of pressure and a lot of responsibility but wow its tough. I love it but its tough. My sister Emily goes to church with me every Sunday. I love it. I love her. I love her heart. I love what shes becoming. Its so exciting to see. I love my other siblings just as much as her but I love that she goes to church with me. I think God knew I needed someone to sit with me and "hold my hand" if you know what I mean. I cant wait to look back in a few years and see the growth the church as made as people and as a community.

I know this has been super long but I have been overemotional today so I knew I needed to get all of this off my chest. If you haven't checked out Zane's blog be sure and do so. Hes going through Psalms 119 all week and blogging about it and its great. Also, check out Emily's new blog post. I love when God uses young people and speaks to them. I guess that's it til next time.

Oh yea I'm 18 weeks now! woo hoo. We find out what were having on May 14th it cant come fast enough!

Picture Portfolio

I dont know if anyone cares but I have been taking alot of pictures lately. I have taken some senior pictures and some pictures my sisters gave their boyfriends for valentines day. I just wanted to post some b/c I was kinda proud of the outcome. I would love to practice on anyone so just let me know. Heres some of my "work" haha! Enjoy

Its Baby Time

Well...Im back. I couldnt blog for a while because what I wanted to blog about had to wait. I wanted to wait until I was 12 weeks pregnant to let everyone know! We are so excited. Im almost 13 weeks now and boy has it been a long 13 weeks. I found out by a home pregnancy test that I was pregnant REALLY early so I had to do a ton of blood work with the doctor and make sure this baby would stick. Our baby stuck! It has a strong heartbeat and we have got to see "it" two times by ultrasound.OUr lives have definately changed and especially my belly. I love every minute of it. I will never take for granted morning sickness or getting fat. Im so glad I can blog again and will update with pics and so forth alot hopefully. We are so excited to be parents. I dont know how good we will be but we'll see=) We also have some other exciting news. Zane is a pastor now at Northbrook Church. We are loving it and cant wait to see what God does there. Its exciting for me to see Zane so passionate about it and put so much time into studying and listening to what GOd would have him to say. So now im offically a preggo pastors wife and I love it! So, without further do..heres a 12 week pregnant shot. I have to take my pictures at night so some of the "belly" might be my dinner haha.

I Hit Our Garage Door....

Yep.I hit our garage door this morning at 6:30. I was ticked because I knew something was going to happen today. If you know me then you know my morning routine is crucial to how my day goes. This morning I woke up before my alarm went off because of the ridiculous wind. I knew when that happened it was not going to be good. I came downstairs and realized all my front porch stuff was blown all over the place...another niche in  my morning routine and it was 61 degrees outside. I was really frazzled. I then decide to leave for work.  I get in my car and start to open the garage door and back up when I hear a huge thud. I then realized I had slammed in to the garage door. I tryed to close the door and open it again  but it wasn't having any of that. I was so tired I couldn't bring myself to walk upstairs and wake Zane up so I called his cell phone and said" I ran into the garage door" I'm sure hes thinking I'm looney at this point. He walks in the garage and says ( in a very joking voice) " whatd you do that for" He had great humor at 6:30 this morning.thank God. My handy man then attempted to fix my garage door that I had knocked outside of the actual frame. He fixes everything so he fixed this too. Just wanted to let everyone know that I DO NOT need to be distracted in the morning.Period.

Jenn-Dawg

That's what I called my cousin/best friend in high school...Jenn Dawg. I still laugh thinking about how cheesy that must have sounded. She liked it..I think =) Jenn and I have always had the most interesting relationship. We didn't always hang with the same people, make the same decisions about life or even get along 100% of the time, but we have always been best friends. We can go a couple of months without talking on the phone and when we finally get to talk to each other its like time was never a issue. That's what I love about her. Time doesn't change a thing for her. Shes still the encouraging Godly woman shes always been. Shes going through one of the most exciting times in her life right now and it makes me so happy. Ive been gong through the most trying time in my life and shes been so encouraging. We talked on the phone yesterday for the first time in a while. I needed her yesterday. I needed her to tel me it was going to be ok and that I wasn't crazy for feeling a certain way. I needed to catch her up on my life and she needed to do the same with me. We were on the phone for 47 minutes. Our lives were caught up in 47 minutes. How awesome is that..Maybe I talk to fast! I'm so glad I have her. I love you Jenn....Dawg bahaha!

Watch out Ya'll Your Getting 2 Post In 1 day!

Dear Zane,

We have known each other for almost 15 years. There are still days I wake up and think,"he chose me". I feel so blessed to have you in my life and be my support every single day. Obviously this year has by far tested us as a team more than any other year. You didn't skip a beat. You loved me more this year than I have ever felt. You held me when I cried and stood by me when I felt hurt. You took up for me when I thought I was being selfish. You let me know day after day you were on my side. I don't know if I really have all the words I want to say, but know every day I love you more and more. Please know that I stand by your side in every decision you make. I think you have accomplished more in your 25 years than most people do in a lifetime. Please don't ever feel like what you do on a every day basis is not good enough. I look at you everyday and I know how lucky I am. I hope I never take you for granted. Your my best friend and I know God knew what he was doing . He knew I would need you in way that only YOU could fulfill. I love you more everyday and I cant wait to see what this year brings for us!

Love,
Ashley

Just a funny post to quench your blogging thirst....

I don't think there has been one post on my blog where I don't mention at least one of my siblings. If you know me you know they are my world. I would do ANYTHING for them. Some people question why I am the way I am with them. I cant explain it. I think its the big sister in me that takes over and when its all said and done I think to myself ," did I just do that for them ?" Maybe Ill never understand . Well, the reason for this post is to tell a little funny story. A week ago my mom and I took my sisters to get their wisdom teeth out. We decided to just do both of them in one day to get it over with. I offered to help of course because that's what I do =) Well let me just tell you they brought Em out of surgery and I cryed....Yes I did. She looked so looped out and not herself. I told everyone I had tears in my eyes because hers were watering. Who was I fooling...They brought Bess out and she couldn't even walk on her own. Something inside of me was torn between giggling and crying, so I opted to laugh. I knew they were fine but they were my baby sisters and they didn't know what town they were in. When I get nervous I giggle. I don't know why I do that but I do. So I went from crying to laughing in about two minutes time. I'm sure the people there thought I was a nut job! We got them out to the car,and well I threw them in the back seat...My mom decided to sit back there with them, and what did I do?...I took a picture of them haha. They didn't have a clue. My mom and I cracked up the whole way home. Here's the proof above. I think its hilarious....All of that nonsense to say this... I love my sisters and brother more than they could ever imagine. They truly have no idea. I would do anything for them and Id probably do a lot of stuff to embarrass them too.!

Small Talk

Who else likes small talk? I do...especially with my sisters. Im sitting here listening to her talk and it absolutely lightens my heart. Her life actually seems to be going good for her right now and I dont know if I really remember how long its been since she was this happy.  Shes laughing...thats all I need to hear right now.  I know this is a short post but I just felt like letting everyone know what I was doing and it feels good =)

Are we allowed to have 2 Fresh starts?

Well...I looked at my last post just now and laughed.I talked about fresh starts and blogging more.That was in August haha.I actually did forget my password to get on here.I have it now so watch out! More blogs coming your way...maybe...Anyways,since its been since August I guess Ill update a little bit about whats been going on.

  

After I wrote my last blog on here I got my first tattoo, started losing weight and working out, and  I found out I was pregnant.I got to be pregnant for a month and a half before finding out my baby had died, and I had surgery October 11th to remove the baby. I don't know if I have ever felt so much pain in my whole life.My heart still aches and I still cry about my baby. There is a lot about Zane that I want to write, about how great he is ,how strong, how loving ,how supportive.I could go on and on. We talk almost everyday about our loss and what God is going to do. We talk about the reason why it all happened and how one day we will know.Oh how I long for that day so bad. I want to know why .... Lately has been extremely tough for me.It seems everyone I know or see out in public is pregnant.I feel left out.Im not trying to get sympathy or anything its just something Im dealing with. I know God is good and I know we will have children one day.So, enough of the sad stuff .Lets move on!

We bought a new house! Yipee, sound the sirens. We are excited cant you tell. I love to decorate so every new house is a new opportunity for me ha! This is the 6th time,let me say that again so you understand, the 6th time we have moved as a couple! This time feels so settling and that feels good to me. We want to have kids here..well the first 2 at least! We have moved that many times so you know we wont be here forever=) 

I still work at the same place...See all those dots after that statement? Thats me wandering when my big break will come and I will be able to do what my little heart desires.We shall see. I have to say that I am very thankful that I even have a job,but its not my hearts desire. Now dont go asking me what my hearts desire is b/c I dont know haha.One day I will figure all that out.

Well Im sure I have worn you out with all of this but this really helps me express myself.I am promising...well hoping this is the first of many blogs to come.

Until then~ash